HilayOr and I don’t think about the future in the same way. This might not be surprising: HilayOr is living in Israel, a country currently at war with Hamas, and I’m in a suburb outside of NYC. But when I think about the next year, the next five, I’m filled with anxiety and dread. HilayOr? The 17-year-old watching her friends and family get drafted into a war they didn’t choose? The teenager preparing to get drafted into the Israeli Defense Force? She’s optimistic.
When we think about mental health, it’s hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes. But through my pen pal relationship with HilayOr through the organization One2One, I get a glimpse into the life, the head of someone so similar yet so different from me. Here are my takeaways.
Firstly, we (and the people around us) discuss mental health differently:
HilayOr explained how mental health resources are limited where she lives. She told me how she has struggled with anxiety in the past (and still does) which lead her to seek help from a therapist. But ever since October 7, she has not been able to see a therapist. Mental health resources are scarce and those available are going to people struggling with war-induced PTSD, anxiety, and depression. As a result, HilayOr copes by distracting herself. She makes herself busy with various activities, volunteer work, and plans. Sometimes, mental health doesn’t get discussed in HilayOr’s circles because there is so much on one’s plate. Taking care of themselves comes second.
In our conversation about mental health specifically, HilayOr regarded:
“Before [having anxiety] was not that common, and now it’s like [most people] have it. It’s [still] not normal to us to have this many people having it.”
Since October 7th and the events following, mental health issues have skyrocketed not just in Israel but to those around the world. During our conversations, I expected that we would bring up mental health more but still, the topic remains quite concealed.
Secondly, HilayOr’s empathy for the US:
Throughout our conversations, HilayOr kept asking about how I was doing and about how I have been impacted by the conflict in America. Living in what’s supposed to be a free and safe place, I find it disappointing that there is so much hatred here. News headlines flood the world detailing instances of hate speech and unrest. HilayOr hears about these headlines and is worried about me. She is concerned for my safety here. HilayOr is months away from mandatory deployment, and yet she feels the need to ask about how I’m doing. The way she goes about her daily life is with optimism, while I live in fear of danger waiting to happen says a lot about HilayOr as a person. She’s constantly looking out for me and for others. No matter how much her circumstances invite her to, she never puts “I” first.
Thirdly, How HilayOr embodies our religion:
HilayOr further embodies values that I have learned about Judaism. In our religion, one of our core values is “Tzedakah” which translates to “righteousness.” We are obligated to give back to the community not because it is the “kind thing to do,” but because it’s a commandment. It is a tenet of our faith to treat others how we wish to be treated and to promote love and peace. It is not just a “good deed” to help others, but a responsibility. As Jews, we often have assumptions made of us because of stereotypes. Some see us as threats, as dangers. They don’t see us for our characters and for the light that we try to bring to the world. But HilayOr is lightt: she is empathetic, caring, and she gives back to her community in every way she can. I look at her as an inspiration, one that I know will serve the world around her for the better.
As we embark on our own journeys and next steps, I will hold HilayOr in the back of my mind.
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