There was a silence I wasn’t expecting.
For the most part, the conversations I had with the five Chilean exchange students who had just arrived in snowy New Jersey flowed. Kelly, Felipe, Sofía, Martina, Paula, and I talked about home, travel, games, hobbies, and the classes at my school. But once I asked about mental health and about how it looks in Chile, there was a pause.
For some, asking about mental health evokes thoughts of uncertainty: How do I answer? How do I share without sharing too much? The stigma around mental health has caused many to hesitate, to question whether their problems are valid.
But for others, like the Chilean students, there isn’t that same hesitation. Maybe the concept of mental health just isn’t, well, a concept. It’s not discussed, it’s not prevalent. That’s not to say it doesn’t exist, though.
Here’s another way to put it: these students didn’t have the language to describe mental health. Comparatively, when I asked one of my American friends about their experiences with the topic, they immediately started talking. These students and my friends aren’t too different – and just because someone lacks the language to breach the subject doesn’t mean their experiences with mental health are too different. When talking to these students, I realized stress (even if it’s not thought of as such) is universal, and the ways of coping and interacting with the world are too.
Later on in our conversation, one of the students, Kelly, showed me this game called El Emboque. According to a Chilean travel site, The game consists of a “wooden bell-type shape with a hole in the bottom attached at the top by a string attached to a wooden stick. The stick fits into the hole in the bottom of the bell.” The goal is to fit the stick into the hole by getting the bell to flip up from a hanging position and then fall onto the end of the stick. While Kelly made the game look so simple, it was quite difficult for me.
I thought this game was an interesting metaphor: despite our differences and the fact that we grew up thousands of miles away from each other, we still have the same ways to connect with friends and family. The language we use (or the games we play) may be different, but the end result is the same.
When I was younger, I used to always bring games with me when I traveled. While I always thought of it as just entertainment for long plane or car rides, it may have also been a way to bring a part of home with me. It’s the little things in life that make a place feel like home. Little moments of entertainment in our daily lives can help make travel feel more comfortable and more adjustable. Little moments of entertainment help make life more fulfilling in times of distress.
And that’s how I think about our approaches to mental health. Even though we don’t use the same language regarding this topic, the ways we cope mimic one another.
When I asked Kelly what activities she relies on to put her in a good mood, she immediately mentioned going to the gym. Exercise, for many, is a way to cope with adversity and enlighten our moods – myself included. Whether it’s the day before my SAT or after a long day at school, going to the gym plays such a pertinent role in my mental health and overall wellbeing. During this discussion with Kelly, we talked about some of our favorite specific exercises and activities that make us feel at our best and empower us. This sense of strength, both physically and mentally, is so crucial in our cultivation of our best selves.
Kelly also discussed her passion for listening to music. We bonded over one of our shared favorite artists, Lana del Rey, and some of her best songs. For both of us, music is like laughter; it fulfills us, it enlightens us, it helps us delve into ourselves and each other. Music is one of my favorite things in life; it always helps me when I’m struggling and at my lowest, so to be able to bond over music was so special for me. No matter how far across the world we may live or the differences in the languages we speak, music is instrumental for our mental health.
The students stayed with host families who were also incredibly welcoming and ensured to make their experiences comfortable and worthwhile. When referring to her host family, Kelly mentioned their constant support and help to her. When she struggled with her English, for example, they always made sure to help her with translations and vocabulary. Though Kelly has taken English in school, this was her first time leaving South America and therefore, her first time having to speak English all the time. Adjusting to a new language and adapting to a new culture is incredibly difficult, but with the help of others it becomes more bearable.
When I asked Kelly about how she was able to adjust to life in America without her family and at a new school, she made sure to mention the importance of her friends’ support during this journey. The five students all traveled together from the same high school and are very close friends. Their teacher, Ms. Mariom, coming along also helped the transition. The ability to travel with each other was a crucial aspect of the adjustment to life in New Jersey. It all connects back to the idea that we are not alone. When life throws curve balls or simply just brings us to places that we've never seen before, a support system is just what we need.
So, despite that initial silence that temporarily made me feel distant from Kelly and her classmates, I realized how our experiences dealing with mental health mirrored one another. Travel is stressful, yes, but with the right tools in place, it can be a beautiful universal experience.
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